Page Twenty Two

26th Nov 2015 in Chapter One
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Page Twenty Two
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Author Notes:

niccillustrates 26th Nov 2015, 3:00 PM edit delete
niccillustrates
Hm? Well, uh, yeah I like flowing hair. Um. Why you asking??
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Comments:

Jackarais 27th Nov 2015, 10:21 PM edit delete reply
Jackarais
Fucking righteous composition on that first panel. How do you do this.

I gotta say, the spacing between the words is sometimes a little awkward to read. Like, in the first panel, "Yes, ruin... or... you could change your fate." Sounds delightful, slow, drawn out, foreboding. I can hear her(?) taunting him slowly like that.

But the last panel, when I read it out loud all broken apart like that, sounds awkward. "It worked, did it not?" and "Changing your destiny--" break up really nicely because they're separate thoughts, but "has been" and "a revelation for me." feels more disjointed.

Here, I read it out loud to try to show you what I mean. vocaroo.com/i/s15vqWw5VLah

If this comes across as nitpicking, I'm very sorry. ;__; I'm only tryin to give input. Your speech bubble placement has always been really strong and super readable (must be thanks to your impeccable composition skills!), only seems awkward at times.

In any case I hope this helps. Keep up the amazing work!!!
niccillustrates 28th Nov 2015, 11:21 AM edit delete reply
niccillustrates
Thanks for the compliment & the critique!

Yeah, I struggle with speech bubble placement. That's something I definitely want input on! It's usually on big panels like that bottom one that I don't know how to space them...but what you said made sense!

Tbh, I rushed this page & that spacing has been bugging me. Hmm, something to focus on improving :)

(Also, neat voicing! That first panel's speech sounds exactly how I pictured it!)
Jackarais 29th Nov 2015, 8:06 PM edit delete reply
Jackarais
No problem, dudette! I'm always looking to help my fellow artists improve. Your speech bubble placement is actually really good.

Here's a trick for how you can see if your speech bubble placement is working or not:
1) Make a new layer on top of your image
2) Draw a big red line through the image, connecting the panels and speech bubbles in the order that they are meant to be read/seen by the eye.
3) If the line crosses over something you don't want it to when you're connecting A-->B, then you should probably reorganize your bubbles a little.
Here is an example for you. 41.media.tumblr.com/1ee42d5435ad6889ccadec19b4b224b2/tumblr_nufd7jCQOb1r06zd4o5_r1_1280.png

See the nice, simple motion of the eye on PG 22? You did an amazing job on this.

And, you see how on PG 21 the line crosses through one of your bubbles before its meant to be read? That's an instance where you might want to change the placement.

However remember that you don't have to always follow this rule EXACTLY. I mean, the way page 21 is, its totally readable & clear. The bubbles in panels 3-4 are very obviously meant to be read one after the other, even though the eye goes over one of panel 4's bubbles before it gets to panel 3. It's all good. I'm going to stop rambling now.

Aw, it ain't the neatest voicing. I just wanted to help illustrate what I was describing. Seriously, keep up the awesome work, and don't worry about going back and tweaking the little things that jump out at you like this. Just keep moving forward. YOU GOT THIS, MAN.
niccillustrates 29th Nov 2015, 9:03 PM edit delete reply
niccillustrates
You're so helpful ;u; Thank you!

That visual really helps! I see what you mean by page 21's little speed-bump for panel 4. I'll keep this in mind for later pages :O


I'm blown away by any voicing, it's just so cool! Thanks again for the tips!
Jackarais 29th Nov 2015, 10:16 PM edit delete reply
Jackarais
uwaaah I'm glad it helped!!

You're welcome! Please, always let me know if I go overboard on my critique or anything. I believe I've come on too strongly to people in the past when I try to help with crits. But stuff seems to be okay here.

Cheers!
niccillustrates 29th Nov 2015, 10:53 PM edit delete reply
niccillustrates
I'll let you know! & I didn't think you came on too strong here - It was all really helpful. I appreciate it :)
niccillustrates 29th Nov 2015, 11:29 PM edit delete reply
niccillustrates
Oh, meant to mention earlier - this spirit (most spirits, actually) use they/them pronouns :)
Jackarais 30th Nov 2015, 11:03 AM edit delete reply
Jackarais
That makes sense. XD I recall the demons/spirits in a story of my own were genderless(?) as well.
I mean, it's a completely different species. Why would they operate in the same way as our own?
niccillustrates 30th Nov 2015, 11:24 AM edit delete reply
niccillustrates
Exactly! That's what I'm always wondering about some fantasy/sci fi works that assign the same boy-or-girl ideas to everything.
Jackarais 30th Nov 2015, 12:36 PM edit delete reply
Jackarais
But, sexy reptilian ladies with boobs!
niccillustrates 30th Nov 2015, 12:48 PM edit delete reply
niccillustrates
Oh gosh how could I forget?!

heheh UwU
ashtoledo 28th Nov 2015, 5:15 PM edit delete reply
ashtoledo
this composition kicks so much butt!
ALL THE BUTT!
niccillustrates 28th Nov 2015, 8:06 PM edit delete reply
niccillustrates
Thank youuuu :D I love pages with this spirit on them - all that flowy hair makes for cool compositions.
ashtoledo 30th Nov 2015, 10:55 PM edit delete reply
ashtoledo
it looks like so much fun :D
toherrys 29th Nov 2015, 2:46 PM edit delete reply
toherrys
Aaahhh gorgeous page!!
niccillustrates 29th Nov 2015, 3:13 PM edit delete reply
niccillustrates
Thank you :'D
Memoria Caelestie 30th Nov 2015, 6:31 PM edit delete reply
Memoria Caelestie
I will agree with you!
niccillustrates 30th Nov 2015, 7:57 PM edit delete reply
niccillustrates
;u; awww thank youuuu! I like how this page turned out.
Memoria Caelestie 30th Nov 2015, 8:08 PM edit delete reply
Memoria Caelestie
well I am sure you will make even more beautiful pages in the future!